How Do I Live?
by Bunny1
Summary: Thank you, V-ChanLSSJ for your brilliant idea of Chi-Chi finding out about Baby Goten. I hope my oneshot lives up to the expectations.


_How do I_

_Get through one night without you _

_If I had to live without you _  
_What kind of life would that be? _  
_Oh I need you in my arms _  
_Need you to hold _  
_Your my world my heart my soul _  
_If you ever leave _  
_Baby you'd take away everything good in my Life. _

Chi-Chi smoothed down a sleeping Gohan's hair. He looked so much like his father, but his hair... well, that he'd gotten from her. Smooth and fine as silk, thick and soft. He'd fallen asleep on the couch again; he was too heavy for her to carry up the stairs anymore, and now there was no Goku to do it. _Goku..._

She shook her hair out of the tight bun, running her fingers through it and massaged her scalp. Suddenly, the little home that had always felt so cozy, so safe, felt claustrophobic, hellishly hot. She had to get out... She slipped off the couch and out the door, closing it with a light click, so as not to wake Gohan, and just started running. She ran and ran, she didn't know how far, through the dark woods, until a root tripped her, and she fell down, hard. Her entire body became wracked with sobs, as she buried her face in what she hoped were merely wet leaves, crying so hard she finally had to lift her torso as the spasms caused her to vomit roughly. She sobbed, throwing up, and unable to breathe or see... for she didn't know how long, but eventually, when she regained herself, she looked up at the sky.

"You bastard!" she screamed. "You lying bastard! You promised you wouldn't leave me! How... don't you love me?" she asked, the last words no longer railing, but in a pitiful, almost childlike voice. "Maybe you don't... maybe you never did..." she sobbed. "I was just..."

"That's not true, Momma." said a voice at her shoulder.

_And tell me now _  
_How do I live without you _  
_I want to know _  
_How do I breathe without you _  
_If you ever go _  
_How do I ever, ever survive? _  
_How do I _  
_How do I _  
_O how do I live?_

"Gohan... what are you doing up?"

"I woke up and you weren't there. I got worried. It's my job to be the man of the family now, take care of you."

Chi-Chi smiled sadly, pulling her son to her, burying her face into his chest without getting off the ground. "Ooooh, you are just so _good_!" she declared. "You're wonderful. And... I didn't want you to see me this way."

Gohan sighed, patting her on the head. "Mom... I didn't... I didn't tell you Dad's last words."

Chi-Chi looked up at him. "What?"

"Before he left... I was so upset... I didn't tell you what he said. That was selfish, I'm sorry."

"No, no, baby..." Chi-Chi assured, pulling him close. "You didn't do anything wrong... of course you were upset... you love your Daddy very much, and he loves you..."

"He loves you too, Mom."

Chi-Chi bit her lower lip, no longer looking at her son, feeling peevish and childish, because he had, after all, left Gohan as well, but... there was no doubt in her mind how much he loved that boy. Not one iota. And she knew he sacrificed his life to protect that boy. But her... She just felt... _left_...

"I'm sorry, baby; it's not about me. I am _always_going to take care of you, I promise, my dearest baby..."

"I know that." Gohan smiled. "But... you _need_ to know what his last words were. OK?"

_Without you _  
_There'd be no sun in my sky _  
_There would be no love in my life _  
_There would be no world left for me _  
_And I _  
_Baby I don't know what I would do _  
_I would be lost if I lost you _  
_If you ever leave _  
_Baby you would take away everything real in My life _

Chi-Chi sighed, taking a deep breath and fighting back the tears that were burning her eyelids. A part of her felt like screaming out that his last words to her had been an out-and-out _lie_, that he'd made love to her and said, "I'll be back in a few hours, I love you." So simple... such a damn_ lie_...

But, she was a mother before all else, so she looked at her son with big, watery eyes and an expectant look. "What did he say, baby?"

"He said that he loved me, and to tell you that he loved you very much, and that he was coming back- someday. He said meantime it was my job to look after you, and that he'd never _really_ leave us..."

Chi-Chi looked at her son, gobsmacked. "His last words on Earth... were of me?"

Gohan nodded. "So... he'll come back someday, right? He said it'll be a while, but... he _will_, won't he?"

Chi-Chi sighed, took a deep breath and gathered her only son into her lap. "Gohan... your Daddy may be a lot of things... but he doesn't lie."

_And tell me now_  
_How do I live without you_  
_I want to know_  
_How do I breathe without you_  
_If you ever go_  
_How do I ever ever survive?_  
_How do I_  
_How do I_  
_O how do I live?..._

_Please tell me baby.._

Three weeks had gone by after this night. Chi-Chi was barely functioning. Not eating, not sleeping. Sick at all hours of the night for no reason... Worried beyond reason, Gohan called Bulma, who sent a doctor over, to give the Son family the grand news.

"Mrs. Son... you're to have a baby."

Chi-Chi's hand went to her belly and she shook her head. She looked like she might cry, but then she started to laugh at the same time.

"Mom?" Gohan asked worriedly.

Chi-Chi smiled at him; the first real smile she'd had in a few weeks. "Your father decided to send us a little reminder of him while he's gone- we should start getting the nursery ready for your little brother."

The doctor looked at her. "How are you so sure it's a boy? You're only-"

"Because, Goku and I don't make girls." she said, as if that were that, and walked Gohan to the empty junk room.

"Gohan!" she sing songed. "Come on, let's get this room cleaned out for the baby... I bet Goku won't even be surprised, that man..." she said, shaking her head, and Gohan quirked his mouth slightly, helping her with some boxes.

"Oh, he was so good with you... lullabies and diapers... I wonder if he will with this one?"

Gohan shrugged. "Probably." he said.

They had no way of knowing the baby would be four before Goku would return, but what they did know in their hearts was that he would, because he always kept his promises...

_How do I go on?_  
_If you ever leave_  
_Well baby you would take away everything_  
_Need you with me_  
_Baby don't you know your everything good in My life_

_And tell me now_  
_How do I live without you_  
_I want to know_  
_How do I breathe without you_  
_If you ever go_  
_How do I ever, ever survive?_  
_How do I_  
_How do I_  
_O how do I live_

_How do I live without you_  
_How do I live without you baby..._  
_How do I live..._


End file.
